Hey Made In Chelsea fans, alright let's get serious. I'm not going to lie I loved watching the second episode of Made in Chelsea. It's weird seeing yourself on camera like that. I was upstate this weekend with my friends, and was returning home this Sunday on the train with Jana and we watched it on a laptop. It was hard to hear all of it, so we watched a lot of it again at home.
We couldn't stop laughing, we cringed, and we cheered. It's clear Made in Chelsea loves drama and from the looks of it I might be providing a new recipe.
First on my menu was the The Charles James exhibit at the MET. I really walked into this one LOL. I suggested the same date to two different girls on a broadcasted reality TV show. How did this happen?! Well the funny part is this is a date a lover of mine suggested to me that we went on together already– she has since rolled her eyes and laughed at me. It does seem less thoughtful when you suggest the same thing to two different people in the span of one hour.
The reality is, I watch many movies more than once, I go to restaurants that I like, I go to places that I like, I spend time with people doing things that I like. I see nothing wrong with repeating activities, and love just as much adventuring and doing new things. Also– in life our environments may change from time to time, and the activities we do may change from time to time, but not unnoticeably a major determinant of the quality of that time we spend depends on the people we are with. You can be in a very nice environment with boring people, and have a demoralizing time. You can be in a very dingy environment with really engaging and interesting people, and have an invigorating time.
Remember, I had never seen an episode of Made in Chelsea before going onto the show. I wanted to go in unaffected, but after watching myself I remember I was nervous/excited with the cameras on me and compensated by being very strong. I am usually intense though (I try to balance it). I do believe the editing makes me seem smarmy. Truth be told I had a major agenda– which was being on the show to pick up girls and talk to all of you. So here I am.
If you watch Made in Chelsea to escape to the dream life, or to peak into it, don't think about the environments as much as the people.
Look at the people and the way they are presented to you. What are the recurring dramas?
I believe some of the recurring problems are emotional unintelligence, lying, and poor communication (this can come from excessive casualness, poor diction, and lack of earnestness).
If you want love in your life, you can learn from Made in Chelsea regarding how to squander it and how not to retain it. Finding it is not hard if you are open. Retaining it is always the ultimate challenge.
Who wants to be alone? Spencer said “even promiscuous animals need a shot at love.” I think that is appropriately true. Humans are promiscuous animals. I think we all want to love and to be loved. There is nothing wrong with that.
It is a misconception that "love" just happens and then it's perfect. I've even heard people say "love shouldn't require work" and I think this is naive if not somewhat inane. Anyone that tells you this is extremely lost and will likely find themselves disappointed. I think that love requires work in the form of communication. If you lack truthfulness, trust, honesty, passion, and good communication– love will be harder to romantically sustain– if you can sustain it at all. I am a young 25-year-old with a lot to learn, but compared to my co-stars I think I am somewhat qualified to talk about this a bit more. I have three lovers (and have lived with Jana for three years). There is not much drama. I am able to pursue other romantic interests, and they are allowed to pursue others as well. Occasionally there is drama, and then we work to resolve it. If we don't resolve it, it falls apart (just like with any relationship). I am currently living through this reality show with the three of them and things are as usual.
But still I don't think I have earned the audience's trust yet, which is understandable and good in my opinion. I always say it is important to be a skeptic of the world, and of oneself.
So let's get really deep. Am I a calculating person? I would say yes, but the problem is that "calculating" is a very dirty word. What does it mean? I think in the most literal sense it refers to adding up numbers, which implies thinking in a way devoid emotion. In that sense, I am not a calculating person– but I also think it is impossible to think without emotions.
What are emotions? I believe they can be described as hormonally characterized brain states. I believe our emotions influence our actions, but I believe a person can control their emotions over time. It requires necessary thought patterns, some emotional muscles, and comfort with feeling vulnerable.
Why would you want to control your emotions? Well, for one thing it can make a lot of things easier for you. It can give you needed courage and confidence. It can also reduce pain, and increase feelings of well being. It can motivate you to feel what you want to feel, which depends on you and circumstances. It can make you more charismatic. It gives you more control over yourself and your environment. What do you want to feel? Do you want to feel good? I think overall you want to feel good and be happy. If not, why not? Feeling good feels good. You don't want it to feel forced? You want it to feel natural? What is natural?
I believe something that exists in and is caused by nature is natural. Our minds come from nature, just like we do. Our thoughts come from our minds, which come from nature. I believe everything comes from nature. If you choose to feel good, the choice will be natural.
But what about forced? Learning to control your emotions will by literal definitions be "forced" (it requires concious effort). But what about being true to yourself?
What does that mean? To be true to yourself? Has anyone ever said that to you? Be true to you? Be true to yourself? Who are you?
You are the story you tell yourself.
You are what you think. You are your mind. There is no "you" who you come to find and know through self-discovery. Your perspective of yourself is influenced by outside influences and self-reflection. You can realize things about yourself, but ultimately "you" are the story you create (and that story depends on what you think, what you think others think, and what you think others think of you).
There are no souls, there is no you inside of you, except your mind (I revere our minds as equivalent to souls). Our identity is very precious to us. It is ours. Our stories define us. Those stories depend on what you think, what you think others think, and what you think others think of you.
The self is an illusion. That doesn't mean it doesn't exist, it means it is not what it seems. Understanding this can change things for a lot of people, and give them more control over themselves and their experiences. It can change approaches to dialogues, which I believe we should approach with the goal of net gains for everyone.
It depends on what you want. Do you want love and happiness? If this is a topic you are interested in you might enjoy reading #Junglers Don't Slut Shame or Myths and Realities: Chapter Excerpt from the Ethical Slut.