Quick recap of episode three Made in Chelsea NYC: Alik and Louise become closer, Rosie and I remain coy, Jana was introduced to the show, and the competition between Spencer and Stevie heats up.
I obviously love watching the competition between Spencer and Stevie, and how Billie seems to be the one most in control of the situation. The competition seems playful, friendly, appropriately tense, and appears to invigorate both men to do their best to impress Billie. Part of me enjoys watching this because I embrace little playful competitions like this in my own romantic life. I think the romantic contest between Stevie and Spencer shows that competition doesn't need to be negatively disruptive or painfully intense (although it can be if not properly managed). Competition just means you can't be lazy– it can be fun and motivational, and it doesn't have to be a winner take all, zero sum game. It can be tame and on going.
On a different subject, one scene I particularly liked was between Spencer, Jamie, Riley, and Lucy.
On his New York terrace, Jamie lets the girls know Alex Mytton hooked up with his ex-gf Tara.
Jamie: "everyone knows that Tara is the one person who is off limits."
Riley: "You guys like do this all the time to each other the whole time, so what's so special about this one girl."
Jamie: "It's the first girl I ever properly loved, and so that's why it hurts I guess like a dagger."
Spencer: "Everyone always has one person, I'd say that like you'd be really livid if your mates hooked up with her."
Jamie: "Difficult now I feel bad because I told him to go home, I said you should get on a flight and go home... and he went home and I feel like he's been bullied out, which I don't like."
Lucy: "He's done it to himself, he needs to learn from his mistakes and he's not going to learn if everyone forgives him."
I am not a long time viewer of the show, so I only know what I've seen in the New York season. Before Alex left he did appeal to Spencer and Jamie to consider that he did nothing different from things Spencer and Jamie have done in the past. If that's true (which Riley suggests), I could understand how Alex could've been unaware that Tara was "the one person who is off limits" if that wasn't made explicitly clear. That could be why Jamie shows a hint of remorse that Alex abruptly left; Jamie says he feels guilty for bullying him out. I think that shows a lot of maturity on Jamie's part– as he is continuing to self-reflect. Jamie has a good heart.
Lucy tells Jamie that it's Alex's own fault, and that he needs to learn from his mistakes. What were Alex's mistakes? It seems like lack of honesty and fidelity, which I define as "faithfulness to the promises and agreements made about a relationship."
I know some people feel differently from me, but personally, I wouldn't feel justified being outraged if one of my friends hooked up with an ex of mine, which has happened on a couple of occasions. It can spur a mitigated pang of jealousy or longing– which is significantly different from outrage. However of course, I would feel somewhat betrayed if a friend hooked up with an ex he explicitly agreed not to hook up with– however– I don't think it's reasonable or necessary for me to create those restrictions.
As human animals, we might like marking territory, and forbidding others to do things as an almost symbolic display of our influence and importance, however I fundamentally see people as free agents. I actually think trying to impose this kind of self-centered "order" and romantic "restrictions" on other people can make us more vulnerable to negative sentiments and feelings of betrayal. I try to avoid this in my life because I want to be happy. I do not weigh my happiness in relation to other people, if two other people like each other and kiss and become intimate I don't see why I need to let that diminish my own happiness (or why I would want it to). To modify some of what I've said, I think part of the reason we like to try to create these kinds of order and restrictions is because by nature we are uncertain of what other people think and feel and we want evidence of people's love and loyalty to us. We all want to love and be loved. However, I think there are better ways of demonstrating and achieving that.
Betrayal does hurt a lot. It's one of the worst things I've experienced; it's aporia inducing and can feel like a dagger to the heart and stomach. From what I know, I can't tell if Alex is much different from the other boys, or if he is just a casualty of a hypocritical parochial social circle.
Navigating the emotional landscape can be difficult and confusing– and even more so with poor communication. Sometimes we make mistakes. Lucy is right to say Alex needs to learn, just as we all do.
This episode got me very excited for the next installment. Now I can't wait for Sunday! I think it's going to be a great show ;)