I have started to speak more openly about my lifestyle to an audience in the Czech Republic. Recently, I was featured on the cover of City Life magazine which contained a fashion editorial and an interview with me. City Life is a supplement of the Czech newspaper Mlada Fronta Dnes. The article was provocatively titled “I’m Not Just For One Man,” and has stirred a bit of reaction. When the article released I was looking forward to join in the discussion boards and answer questions and concerns readers might have had for me. I was excited to see people’s reaction.
At first, I noticed a lot of dismissing remarks, mostly concerning my looks, as well as a lot of judgmental ones such as “what a slut,” or “how naive, young, incompetent.” None of those really surprised me. I have received comments like that before. It wasn’t that my ego was hurt, but I was really hoping to see a conversation starting question rather than irrelevant commentary about my eyebrows.
I realized which comments hurt me the most. It was the ones that said that I am engaging in polyamory simply because I haven’t met anyone that I am totally in love with, and that one day I would meet someone who I would want to keep for myself and I could not possibly manage to “share” with others.
This kind of reaction, I believe, dismisses me as naive and inexperienced. I think these comments attempt to degrade what I have with Jules, which is something incredibly strong and deeply romantic. People who meet us are surprised how close, comfortable, and enthusiastic we are about each other all the time. Mind you, we have lived together for three and a half years, spending pretty much every single day together, falling asleep in an embrace every night. We are in love, and I miss Jules almost immediately when we’re not together.
Our relationship is open BECAUSE it is so strong. I strongly suggest that you open your relationship only if you have a healthy relationship to begin with. Opening up is not a way to repair or save a relationship. If you don’t see a future with your partner, non-monogamy will most probably expedite a breakup. Polyamory is not a crutch, it is a way to push your relationship to the next stage.
Doesn’t it make sense, really? You need a strong foundation if you want to add some new, potentially disruptive, elements. You have to be able to navigate youself and your partner before welcoming others with loving arms.
One last remark: I have not opened my relationship to “find someone else” (even though my mom probably still thinks that. I have opened my relationship to explore things I haven’t explored yet. I don’t beleive we should limit ourselves to one partner, I think it creates dullness and stagnation).
Love is not finite. It is an abundant resource.
Editorial acompanying the interview: Photo Petr Kozlik