The story of who Sam and I are has to start with the story of who he was from the first time I met him: 1.) the man I was born not to breathe without, and 2.) absolutely un-dateable.Read More
The New York Times Bestseller Antifragile talks about things in our world that grow stronger from healthy stressors. The word "antifragile" describes systems that occur in nature, things that not only grow stronger from stress, but that actually weaken without positive stressors. A negative stress, for example, is a chronic stress; one that is never resolved and is ever present. Chronic stress breaks something that is antifragile; lack of stress weakens it. A positive stress is one that comes and goes, like physical stress from exercise.Read More
On the subject of sex: "What I'm arguing against is the shame that is associated with desire. It's the idea that if you love your husband or wife but you are still attracted to other people that there's something wrong with you, there's something wrong with your marriage, something wrong with your partner. I think a lot of families are fractured by unrealistic expectations that are based upon this false vision of human sexuality." Meet Christopher Ryan, Phd., co-author of the famed New York Times bestseller Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships. It's the winner of renowned scientific awards and referred to as "the single most important book on human sexuality since Aldred Kinsey unleashed Sexual Behavior in the Human Male on the American public in 1948.Read More
What I appreciate about polyamory the most is its flexibility and its emphasis on communication, understanding, honesty, and emotional intelligence. You make your own rules. You stick to them, but you may change them as you need or as your circumstances evolve. You talk about everything with your partner(s).
Nowadays I like entering new relationships that are already open because I learned how to orient myself in an open/poly environment, I know what to expect, and I understand jealousy. However I believe there is something really interesting about starting out in a monogamous relationship and opening it up after a while.Read More
Robert Heinlein was a best-selling novelist, prolific science fiction writer, and philosopher who lived 1907-1988. "Heinlein's critics cut across all ends of the political spectrum, as do his fans." He was an author who probed ranging issues such as sex, race, politics, and individualism. He was a fallibilist whose views evolved throughout his lifetime, earning him both praise and criticism.Read More
Someone recently asked me if I would ever consider being monogamous again.
I said I don't think so. My reasoning was I don't believe we are genetically monogamous; I believe we are culturally monogamous.
In my view, tradition is repetition masquerading around as truth.
I want to live true to myself.Read More
I want to stress how important it is to see polyamory as an approach or a mindset rather than a rigid relationship model or structure. Polyamory is very flexible in nature, and offers the ultimate freedom to partnerships, expression of sexuality and self. In fact, I find it of secondary importance how many people are involved in my relationships. I understand that many people choose (and prefer) to be with one person only, and that's perfectly fine! What I think is that not only everyone prefers a different relationship model, but also needs of any one person change throughout their lifespan. I know of a few exclussive and happy relationships, and I also have seen people marry in love, and then divorce a year later.Read More
I am in some ways a cynical writer, and like to think I am writing to an intelligent, skeptical audience.
Here is a New York Times article a friend of mine sent me as reading for an ongoing conversation between us.
Here it is, it's amazing: Love People, Not Pleasure.
The article discusses Abd al-Rahman, an absolute ruler who lived in complete luxury. After a long life, he said he had counted his only genuinely happy days, which amounted to 14. This is a man who miserably sleepwalked through life, loving things and using people.Read More